The Jolie Wilkin's Series, H.P. Mallory, Toil and Trouble

This is a review of H.P. Mallory's Toil and Trouble, the second book in the Jolie Wilkin's Series.



First of all, although I enjoyed this book very much, and the previous one as well, I want to grab H.P. Mallory by her shoulders and shake her until she comes to her senses. How on earth do you end a book with a climax?! Haven't you ever heard of denouement? Seriously. If it weren't for the fact that I read both books in tandem I would have been really pissed. In the spirit of not incorporating spoilers I won't explain exactly what I am talking about, but it definitely needs to be said that most good books, series or not, end with some sort of conclusion. I expect her argument would be that it's a cliff-hanger, but in essense it's not. It just doesn't make sense!

Ok now that I got that out of the way, I'll get to thick of it. The main course of this book centers around an epic battle of good (kinda) verses evil (mostly). Certain circumstances lead Jolie to go to the dangerous sexy vampire Sinjin for assistance with training and a little infusion of power, which of course involves her drinking his blood. Sinjin, like most of his vampiric counterparts of this genre, is constantly expousing sexual innuendo. This of course makes Jolie hot and bothered. Hot because of the obvious, bothered because she is only using Sinjin for the help he offers. Don't get me wrong, she finds herself strangely attracted to him, but at the same time she is in love with Rand and is therefore annoyed with his incessant approaches. As a reader all I could think was, FUCK RAND! Literally, because I really wish they would just do it and get it over with and figuratively because he really is a stick in the mud sometimes and Sinjin has none of that uptight crap going on. I also just love the way Sinjin calls Rand Randall which Rand hates. Hehe. I gotta admit I just love the classic my dick is bigger than your dick fight that pops up in Urban Fantasy Romance, i.e. Bill vs Eric in the Sookie Stackhouse novels and Lore vs Kynan in the Demonica series. For more on Sinjin vs Rand see their interview with Joann McLeary. But ofcourse, Jolie does not give in to Sinjin's advances. I honestly don't know how she does it, I sure wouldn't be able to, especially when he is decribed like such:

The highlight of the fire heightened the harsh planes of his face and made his ice blue eyes appear to glow. He looked every inch the quintessential villain in his black slacks and black button down shirt. No one would ever use the word "casual" to describe Sinjin.

But perhaps I am just personally distracted by the blue-eyed evil ones. The past stands to show such at least. And then there is his English accent. Sigh. If there is one thing Jenn and I agree on it is the power of an English accent. Well actually English, Australian, Irish, Viking (haha), etc.. And he is always using it to call her "Love," "Poppet," or "Pet." See my point? Anyway Sinjin does sneak in a kiss, which Jolie promptly dismisses and gets all angry and annoyed about, while I get angry and annoyed with her for being such a prude. It's a viscious circle. But she really isn't a prude, I'm just frustrated because by this time in the series I'm dying for a little action and like always I'm denied. Literary blue balls, as I like to refer to it, and this author is so good at causing it.

Oh! And I forgot to mention there was ANOTHER hot piece of man introduced in the first book, Odran, the Fairy King, who immediately decides he wants Jolie as well (obviously, right? Cause it always seems that the female heroine is like crack to all the supernatural malesin these types of stories. Once again see Sookie Stackhouse, Anita Blake, Betsy Taylor etc. etc. It's as if all the Urban Fantasy writers have low self-esteem and have never actually been wanted by many men themselves so they make their heroines into these irresistible icons of femininity. Which, if I may so say, is some what ridiculous. I mean two men fighting over one woman I can believe, but 3, 4, or more? Get real, ladies.) He even tried to sleep with her the first night he meets her by slipping her wine laced with an intense aphrodisiac. How badly I wish such a thing existed. I would have a stock pile. Anyway, Odran is kind of a slut, which is nice because it allows Mallory to slip in a little more smut. For example he always has two women in his bed. Me like.
So back to Rand and Jolie. It isn't until near the end of this book that the insatiable hunger for some smut is satisfied.

YES! I'm going to spoil it: THEY DO IT!!!

Sorry about that, but I just couldn't control myself. And I just loved the way it was worked into the actual plot. It was perfect. It was worth the wait and all of my complaining, and whining. I can't tell you anymore without completely ruining the book, but I have to point out that the earlier reasoning against them having sex was not circumvented in any way, in fact them having sex is the cause for them not being able to have sex earlier. Makes no sense? Yeah, that's kind of the point. Go read the book!!! It's really a very intriguing and unique plot. And the sex scenes (yes scenes, plural) were enough to make up for the lack-there-of previously. By the end of the book I was totally addicted to the way she wrote the smut that I reread those chapters... twice.

I also have to say that there was one part of the book that I absolutely loved and made me a true follower who is now dying for the next book in the series to be released and that was that at one point in the second book Jolie gives a friend the Black Daggar Brotherhood series for Christmas. Oh and then there is that whole thing about Jolie being the Queen of the Underworld... but that's the next book. Stay tuned for the review of the next book in the Jolie Wilkin's series when it's released this year! Or better yet, join me in reading it!!!

XXX,
Sarah

The Jolie Wilkins Series by H.P. Mallory Book One: Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble.

Being as this is my first review post I'm going to lay down a few things here and now about how I plan to go about it. If you don't like, too bad, start your own blog :P So here are the basics:

1. I am not going to summarize. If you want to know what the book is about go
here, or read it yourself

2. I read most books on Kindle, therefore page numbers are irrelevant. If I refer to s specific part of a book or series it will be by individual book or chapter at best. Get over it now. Like I said in basic #1, if you want to know then read it yourself.

3. I'm entitled to my opinion. You're entitled to yours. Mine is most likely the right one, but I'll hear you out. If you continue to disagree with me to the point of contention then maybe you should get your own blog.

4. If I'm wrong about something that is not opinion in nature, feel free to fight with me about it. You probably won't change my mind, but I enjoy the challenge. If you think I'm wrong about something and you're too big a pansy to attach your name and persona to said thought, then you probably don't feel strongly enough in your convictions to attempt arguing with me. You will lose said argument. So just don't bother, 'kay? Thanks.

5. I reserve the right to delete obnoxious, lewd, or just plain old offensive comments. If you're comment is deleted and you feel like it shouldn't have been, see basic #3, sentence 4.

Now onto the actual review part of this review. That was my original point in writing this post, right? Right.

Jolie Wilkin's Series
H.P. Mallory
1. Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble


The introductory book to this series was definitely not as addictive as other series I've jumped into, however; the main character, Jolie Wilkins (Obviously. Come on people, try to keep up!) is reminiscent of some of my other favorite heroines, i.e. Sookie Stackhouse, Betsy Taylor. Slightly humorous and naive, but strong and capable nonetheless. If it weren't for the strength of the main character I might have put this book down before I made it to the good parts. And by the good parts I mean the tall drink of water than is Rand. Dark hair, blue eyes. Just my type. No, seriously. I've dated a lot of tall, dark-haired, blue-eyed specimens of the XY persuasion. But none of them were warlocks. Damn my luck. And it just so happens he needs Jolie's help because she can raise the dead (Oh Anita Blake, we will get to you too, don't worry).

Anyway Rand introduces Jolie to the underworld of magical beings that are almost entirely outrageously gorgeous, SURPRISE! (Please ntoe sarcasm) One of such encounters being a sexy but dangerous vamp names Sinjin (hehe, that name makes me giggle-snort). So far we are up to 2 superhot guys. Not bad by usual Urban Fantasy Romance standards.

But here's where I get urked (yeah, I said urked, you got a problem with that? See basic #3 sentence 4). Now any well-versed reader knows that Jolie and the good-hearted, handsome, white Knight that is Rand are destined to fall in love, and be together, and all that blahblahblah, but of course there are always roadblocks to happily-ever-after, and this story is no different. But that's not really the problem I have with this story-line, but instead the fact that said roadblock also keeps the character from engaging in the much anticipated coitis. This author is a total tease too. She leads you to believe many many times that the big moment is just around the corner, and then POOF! You're left with the erotica version of blue balls. C'mon, whose a girl gotta beg to get a good hard and rough around here, Mallory?!

Even after circumstances force Jolie to move into Rand's picturesque English mansion, and there is a very steamy scene that makes you think, "Maybe, just maybe..." it ends in bitter disappointment for Jolie and the ravenous reader.

But on the brightside of this conundrum, it made me read the second book in the series, Toil and Trouble, and let me just tell you...

... in the next review. Hehe.

XXX,
Sarah

Disclaimer

Hello fellow smut enthusiasts! In the name of full disclosure I feel it only fair to inform the public about the content of the books we will be reviewing. Although it goes without saying that these books might have some adult content (sex scenes! sex scenes! sex scenes!), it might also interest you to know that many (all) of the reviewed titles will fall under a genre best described as Urban Fantasy Romance. These stories will often (always) involve supernatural characters including, but not limited to vampires, shape-shifters, fairies, demons, elves, nymphs, imps, necromancers, dragons, witches, and perhaps even Gods (bend over before us you insolent creatures!).


As reviewers we reserve the right to speak of and acknowledge these characters within the terms of possibility, all the while accepting (kinda...) their fictional (?) confines. We concede (with great dissonance) that, though lust inducing as they may be, some of the situations discussed in this blog are not true realities of the world we inhabit (for now). Despite what our words might lead you to believe we do not surmise that we may one day have an erogenous encounter with an enticing member of the undead, Fae, or demonic persuasion (but we're not ruling it out). So please, do not call your local insane asylum in attempts to save us from our own warped sexual psyches. We are of sound mind (most of the time). We promise (think).



So get ready to spread your imagination (and maybe your legs) as you join us on our journey through the salacious world of erotica, because after all, we girls just wanna read smut.


XXX,
Sarah