Club Dead and The Case for Alcide.

Though it goes without saying, if you love "True Blood," you will most definitely love the novels they were based upon. I'm talking, of course, about "The Sookie Stackhouse Novels" by Charlaine Harris.



WARNING!!! SPOILERS AFOOT!! YOU SHOULD READ THE SERIES BEFORE CONTINUING!!! (YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!)

Not only is Book-Sookie more fun and a helluva lot smarter than the annoying, impulsive version Alan Ball delivers, but I actually want to be friends with her -- I want to jump into the book and help her out when she most needs it. Through the research and promotion I've done for GJWRS, I've come to learn one very important fact. If you don't like the heroine, chances are, you probably won't like the book.

Which explains why I love, love, love this series. Book Sookie is so damn adorable, I don't know whether to hug her or kiss her. Either or both would be great.

Moving on.

In honor of "Dead Reckoning" coming out in just over two weeks, I've decided to do a reread of the series, starting with book three. (I don't remember all the names of them, so book number will have to suffice.) It's not that book one or two are bad, far from it. But there's just too much "Vampire Beeeaaallll" involved, though the end of book two is Hee-lair-ree-ous and I strongly suggest you read it. If you wanna skip book one, watch the first season of True Blood. It's exactly how the book goes.

Anywho -- So, Sarah and I have been having this debate recently about how the series will end, since we know Harris only has two more books left to write. My main concern, of course, is who she's going to end up with.

Most of you readers out there are probably jumping for joy that she's still with Eric, her viking honey, and you're probably hoping and praying that she ends up with him. But, I've got news for you guys --

Eric's a political man, with a political agenda. And while he loves Sookie dearly, of that I'm sure, I don't believe for one second that he is the type of man to throw away centuries of hard work and climbing the social ladder for a mostly-human. Not only that, but if you've read up to book ten, you know things are getting pretty messy when it comes to Sookie. Lots of people want her dead, and lots of people want to exploit her -- ya' know, but what else is new for Ms. Stackhouse? Only this time, the stakes are higher than they've ever been before. There's people trying to take over LA, and people trying to weaken Eric, and the Fae we thought were our friends might not be our friends after all. I'm not going to get into that right now, just to say, read the book if you haven't already.

Meow, let's face the facts here. Eventually, Sookie is going to get herself into a situation where she becomes a liability to Eric. I'm calling it now. In some shape or form, someone is going to try to use her as leverage over him -- probably Victor in his quest for control of Louisiana. Eric probably knows this. I'm betting he definitely knows this after that first chapter/sneak peek we got of "Dead Reckoning." In order to save both of their skins, one of two things must happen.

*Eric will break up with Sookie for her own good, and probably his own good too, so that no one can use her to get at him politically.

*OR Eric will turn Sookie for her own good, making her immortal and therefore strong enough to defend herself should anyone try.

Harris has already stated that Sookie is no Bella Swan, and she has no intentions of turning Sookie into a vamp, and Sookie has, on many occasions, dismissed the idea without so much as a passing thought.

My opinion on this -- Sookie will NEVER be a vampire.

Which leaves the first option.

Heartbroken and forlorn Sookie -- again.

Meow, I'm not one to believe authors when they drop little hints like "The series may not end the way some of my readers may want it to end." (who was Charlaine Harris, btw.) Nor am I one to take to heart the ramblings of other fangirls. I read what they write, I might partake of the discussion if I feel I have something interesting to add, but for the most part, I'm a general lurker in the internet world and I rarely believe what I read.

Except when it comes to this little site called "Sookieverseblog." I read an article on there a few months back (Don't ask me to link, I couldn't find the exact article. Scour the site if you want.) that talked about when the Sookie novels were originally scheduled to end, circa book 7, and analyzed how Harris sort of "wrapped up" her characters between books 5 and 6. When I get there, I'll discuss in more detail. What surprised me was how the author of the article mentioned that Harris brought in a completely different character for Sookie to end up with -- We know him as Quinn.

I have to admit -- that's a very "Charlaine Harris" thing to do. The first time I read the books, one of things I found so delightful was how unpredictable they actually were. You know, reading smut can be very redundant sometimes. The hero meets the heroine. For some crazy, fucked up reason, they can't be together though the lust/attraction literally drives them crazy. They circumvent their obstacles and by the last chapter, everything is hunky-dorey. Except in the case of Sookie Stackhouse, who's had more bad luck in the man department than any other romance heroine I've read.

Sookie's main problem? Too many heroes. So who's the overall alpha-male throughout the entirety of the series?

Is it Vampire Beeaaalllll? I think Book 10 cleared that sitch right up.



Is it Alcide? See title of post.



Is it Eric? Most people would like it to be. And the fact that he's Sookie's main love interest in the latter half of the books lends weight to his credibility. But there's that twist of the series ending at book seven that causes me to pause when definitely deciding on him.



**NUM NUMS**

Is it Quinn? Probably not, but I'd argue either way. Verdict's still out.



Is it Sam? Again, probably not. But the verdict's still out. (It's him and Sookie on the cover of the companion novel, so IDK on our loveable canine -- though I think he's a spy. Again, I'll get back to this one.)



So all of that brings me back to the argument Sarah and I get into when discuss how the series will end.

Don't get me wrong. I, too, desperately want the Sookie HEA hero to be Eric; but it just doesn't make sense to me. There's the whole morality thing, and Eric's possible promotion to King (should Victor be taken care of), and any subsequent alliance that might entail (IE Freya.). When taking into account the jealous reaction Sookie might have to this alliance and her prior romantic history with BEEAALLLL, it's hardly safe to assume that Eric will be the one with whom she ends up.

Of course, Harris has been known to surprise me. (see paragraph on unpredictability of Harris' writing.) I'm just saying, based on the situation we now find out beloved barmaid in, I'm dreading the break up we might be bound to get.

Moreover, I don't think with two books left, Harris will be able to introduce a new character, make us love him, and make us be alright with Sookie ending up with him, instead of the sexy viking. So, I think it has to be someone we've already met and have already fallen in love with.

Back to my list. ^

The reason I think it's Alcide is because of the aforementioned blog. Read this article:

http://www.sookieverseblog.com/2010/07/01/the-leader-of-the-pack-the-case-for-alcide/

And you'll be convinced too. If you don't end up reading it, and that's okay, the main point to take away from it is that Alcide's journey has always sort of mirrored Sookie's. In Club Dead, they're both a bit naive about life, love, and their respective relationships. Throughout the series, they grow together and sort of face the same issues at the same time. As we go through the series, I'll be pointing some more of these out to discuss.

In Club Dead, though, you see them both sort of stuck in this rut. Sookie's got a huge dilemma with BEEAALLL and Alcide's struggling to deal with the mess that is Debbie Pelt, his crazy, psycho ex.



At the end of the book, it is only when she compares her situation with Alcide's that she gains the clarity to get up from the apartment floor and walk away from Bill, demanding Eric take her home.

"Of course they should separate. They should never be in the same room again. And I had to take this to heart. Look at me. Mangled, drained, staked, battered. Lying in a cold apartment, in a strange city, with a vampire who had betrayed me. A big decision was standing right in front of my face, waiting to be recognized and enacted"

All of the points the author of this article made are valid, and they seriously make you question who the real hero is. As I thought more about the "Case for Alcide", the more it made sense to me. There's no issue when it comes to being immortal, he's already Packmaster in book ten so there's no political agenda at work, and he's just as qualified a protector as Eric. When we first meet him, he is immediately introduced as a love interest.

"He ate neatly. And he ate everything ... This was anything but what I expected when Eric had told me someone who owed him a favor would be my entree to the Mississippi vampire milieu. As I looked out the kitchen window at the cold landscape, I realized that this was how I envisioned my future; on the few occasions I'd let myself imagine a man sharing my house.'

'This was the way life was supposed to be, for normal people. It was morning, time to get up and work, time for a woman to cook breakfast for a man, if he had to go out and earn. This big rough man was eating real food. He almost certainly had a pickup truck sitting out in front of my house.'

'Of course, he was a werewolf. But a Were could live a more close-to-human life than a vampire." (Club Dead pg. 58.)

And again a few pages later:

"I glanced through the doorway of my bedroom to see that Alcide, with the phone to his ear, was perched on the side of my bed where I'd been sitting. He looked oddly at home there." (Club Dead pg 65.)

The fact that Sookie immediately thinks of Alcide as a potential life partner is foreshadowing in a big way, I think. When she first meets all the other boys, Vamps and Weres alike, Sookie automatically thinks of sex, and her feminine lady bits screaming for attention. Only with Alcide does she ever consider a future. And even after her lady bits get to screaming for Alcide's attention, there's no resolution. Like the article points out, Alcide is the only important man in Sookie's life that she never had sex with. I think this is paramount.

That UST -- yeah it's still there. Even in book ten, Alcide's still popping up to have Full Moon Night in Sookie's backyard and inviting her to Pack events so she can play the drugged up shaman. I don't think its a coincidence that, seven books later, Alcide hasn't been bumped to an after thought -- like Quinn.

Soo -- back to Club Dead. After they get to Jackson, Alcide suggests she go to his sister's salon just down the street. OF COURSE, Sookie and Janice (Alcide's sister) hit it off like peas and carrots. She's almost a part of the family already, with the added fact that nobody seems to like Debbie.

After that, they go to the club to find out if any locals have seen or been involved with BEEAAALLLL. Some shit happens. It's crazy. Sookie gets manhandled (like always) and they end up going back to Alcides where she's supposed to be staying a spare room. He helps her unzip her dress; they have an "eyes-locking-Sebastian-singing-Kiss-The-Girl" moment, and then it happens. They make out right then and there. And it's pretty hot. I'm not gonna lie.



But she stops it, like a smart girl, because it's "Bad Timing." She's looking for BEEAALLLLL and he's got some serious baggage to deal with ala Debbie. (LOTS of baggage, in fact, when it comes to Debbie.) He's still hung up on her and Sookie knows that.



The next morning, they're playing a little scrabble when they find a corpse in the closet that neither remember putting there. They can't call the cops; they'll think Sookie & Alcide did it. What else are they supposed to do? They decide to get rid of it, go bury it in the woods.

And this scene is as funny as it is representative of their dynamic. Quickly and efficiently, they work out a plan to get the body out of the apartment, down the stairs and into Alcide's truck so that they can bury him out in the country somewhere no one will find him.

"We stood up and let ourselves have a little moment of recovery. Alcide spoke first. "It looks like a big, green burrito," he observed."

I literally giggle-snort everytime I read that.

Later, they explain the sitch to Eric, who has, quite possibly, the best line in the book.

""Would it be too much to ask where he is now?" Eric managed to look as if he were indulging two rowdy children.
Alcide and I shot each other glance.
"Um, well, he's ..." My voice trailed away.
Eric inhaled, sampling the apartment's atmosphere. "The body's not here. Did you call the police?"
"Well, no," I muttered.
"Actually, we ah ..."
"We dumped him out in the country," Alcide said. There just wasn't a nice way to say it.
We had surprised Eric a second time. "Well," he said blankly. "Aren't you two enterprising?" (Club Dead pg. 150)"

LMAO!!! Okay so -- They go out to the club for a second time, a bunch of more crazy stuff happens and Sookie manages to get staked. They decide to take her Russell Edgington's (Who is not as maniacal or as crazy as True Blood would have him be -- just throwing that out there.) mansion and while they're on route, Sookie thinks something that really sticks with me.

She says "Then I was aware I was moving, and I realized that Eric was carrying me. Nothing had ever hurt so badly in my life, and I reflected, not for the first time, that I'd never even been in a hospital until I'd met Bill, and now I seemed to spend half my life battered or recovering from being battered. This was very significant and important."

We learn later how significant and important that really is -- for those who've read book nine, you know what I'm talking about. This paragraph, written early in the series, will become so monumental to how the rest of Sookie's life plays out. It just sticks with me as the point where innocent, naive Sookie looks at her life so far without any prejudice or bias. She only remarks that because of one choice, her decision to date a vampire, her life has been dramatically affected. This is possibly the way a kid would look at this situation, a kid with no preconceived notion of the cruelty life serves up cold, or the despicable nature of those around it.

Which leads me to another point I wanted to make through these next few posts. Look at how much our girl has grown. Book three Sookie is nowhere close to the person narrating book ten. Their fundamental differences are separated by that same prejudice and bias, not to mention the events that lead Sookie to become untrusting and a lot more hesitant.

For example, the first time she describes Chow in this book, she mentions his tattoos and then thinks about asking him if he ever feels naked. She's very whimsical in her narration throughout, always thinking the best about people even if she can tell the difference by reading their minds. She's never apprehensive or judgmental. (Gran would be rolling over in her grave if she was.) She's also a lot more ballsy, not so much leaping before she looks, but perhaps, only looking for a few seconds before taking the plunge. (IE The actual plan for getting Bill out of the garage and how she gets staked in the first place.)

I love the emotion journey Sookie goes on, and Harris rights it so well from first person POV that you somehow feel her despair and her pain, as well as her joy and euphoria. Like I said at the beginning, you literally want to jump into the book and hug Sookie when she's upset, or punch BEEAALLL right in the face after his Ratray shenanigans,



or, better yet, *coughs* climb right into that shower with her and Eric in "Dead to the World."

In these first novels, we get Sookie carte blanche. She hasn't been broken yet, and that's the real point right there. The course of the next six books is the build up to that giant break, and, when it happens, Sookie literally shatters.

This one passage sums it up.

"En route to the apartment, we made a stop at Wal-Mart. On a weekend this close to Christmas, it was swarming with shoppers. Once again, I thought I haven't gotten anything for Bill.

And I felt a sharp pain in my heart as I realized that I might never buy Bill a Christmas present, not now, not ever." (Club Dead, pg 138)

When I read this, I thought about the amazing gift she gives to Bill at the end of book ten (Rhymes with Schmudith.) and how far Sookie had to come before she would be able to look at Bill so differently. Here, we see Sookie absolutely heart broken for having to realize that her first love is over; she's mad, she's livid, she's depressed. But, it's all a bit naive, don't ya think? - but that's what I love about it. At this point in the story, he hasn't raped/drained her in the trunk of the Drug Dealer's Lincoln nor has she learned of the Ratrays. All Sookie sees is how Bill left her, and how badly that hurts.

It's how these events harden her and mold her that really propels her character forward, and what keeps her real -- at least to me. Even after all of this bullshit that she goes through, book ten Sookie is still this totally awesome chick -- with some great drinking stories. Cautious, yes. Reserved, much more so. But, deep down, she's that same Sookie we've come to adore.

For example, when Pam and Eric come to tell her Bill's been taken in Club Dead, they start to explain Vampire politics and Sookie talks about imagining Eric as the Sheriff of Nottingham, or Wyatt Earp. It reminds me of the narration in Book Ten when Eric is explaining how the states are separated into four regions, and all Sookie can think about is when he's gonna get to the lovin'. Some aspects of Sookie will just never change.

As I mentioned earlier, Sookie's naivety closely parallels Alcide's in Club Dead. For example, pretend I'm Alcide. Nevermind that there's a dead body in my closet or what implications that might have for ME in the Were Pack of Jackson, we have to get it out of here and never talk about it again. Nevermind that Debbie maliciously burned Sookie's shaw or called her a rented whore, I'm still gonna sleep with her when she comes a calling because I'm that fucked up about her. Those types of actions are what I'm talking about here. Just being so blind in love that you don't see the extraneous details, details that ultimately come to the forefront when the shit hits the fan.

One more thing about Alcide and I swear I'll wrap this up. There is a moment when Sookie is dancing with Tara, rather suggestively, where Alcide get's all pissed off because he told Sookie he was still hung up on Debbie, when really he wants to jump Sookie's bones. At least, that's the story he gives her. My guess, and Sookie's immediate response, is that he's territorial, and maybe just a little jealous that he won't be able to sleep with her. This feeling sort of blindsides him, I think, and he's not really sure why he feels that way, only that he does. He's just met Sookie, after all, and she's looking for her boyfriend. She's also given Alcide no reason to think anything romantic would happen between them because of "bad timing", but he feels this possessive of her regardless.



It reminds me of a part later in the series where Sookie finds out that Maria-Star is shacking up with that sexy man meat, and Sookie finds herself inexplicably jealous, even though she's fucking Quinn at the time. I think this speaks volumes to how Sookie and Alcide might end up together. There's always been that unspoken attraction, that pull of gravity toward each other. I think that's important to keep in mind.

Parallels -- my love -- Parallels.

Lastly, the song Alcide and Sookie dance to at the club is "Good Enough," by Sarah McLachlan, (for the life of me, I don't know why a vampire DJ would play this song at a biker/were bar -- but, hey, I don't write the stories.) Just look at the lyrics:


"Hey your glass is empty
It’s a hell of a long way home
Why don’t you let me take you
It’s no good to go alone
I never would have opened up
But you seemed so real to me
After all the bullshit I’ve heard
It’s refreshing not to see
I don’t have to pretend
She doesn’t expect it from me

Don’t tell me I haven’t been good to you
Don’t tell me I have never been there for you
Don’t tell me why
Nothing is good enough

Hey little girl would you like some candy
Your momma said that it’s ok
The door is open come on outside
No I can’t come out today
It’s not the wind that cracked your shoulder
And threw you to the ground
Who’s there that makes you so afraid
You’re shaken to the bone
And I don’t understand
You deserve so much more than this

So don’t tell me why
He’s never been good to you
Don’t tell me why
He’s never been there for you
Don’t you know that why
Is simply not good enough
So just let me try
And I will be good to you
Just let me try
And I will be there for you
I’ll show you why
You’re so much more than good enough"

It truly is a sweet song, and I agree with the author of "The Case for Alcide," when she says that this song is not only representative of their current situation, but of their relationship as a whole through the entire series. Keep this song in mind as we proceed.

So -- the real point of this review was to talk about my favorite parts, right? Just because I think Alcide is the one who she'll end up with doesn't mean I don't want it to be Eric.

Top Ten Favorite Parts of Club Dead:

Page 33 - Sookie wakes up in bed with Eric.

"... I sighed with joy, inserting a hand between us to unfasten his pants. Everything was back to normal.
Except he smelled different.
My eyes flew open, and I pushed back against rock-hard shoulders. I let out a little squeak of horror.
"It's me," said a familiar voice.
"Eric, what are you doing here?"
"Snuggling."
"You son of a bitch! I thought you were Bill! I thought he was back."
"Sookie, you need a shower."

Pg 43 - No more Mr. Nice Vampire.

"Here's what I'm going to do," Eric said finally. He looked at me from across the table, his blue eyes as hard as marbles and just as warm. No more Mr. Nice Vampire."

Pg 44 - When Eric tells Sookie about BEEAAALLLL

Eric looked at Pam with no love in his eyes at all.
"She's leaking again," Pam observed, sounding a little uncomfortable.

Pretty much everything from page 47 to 53 when Eric tells her about BEEAALLL being a dirty, lying bastard. He's incredibly gentle, loving, but at the same time, very territorial and very covetous. I'm sure I could have sat here and typed out that scene for you, but I'm incredibly lazy. The scene was Hawtt!!

Pg 177 - When Sookie gets all Drugged up after being Staked.

"I felt like I'd landed in the middle of a romance cover model contest. I had never seen so many cute men in one place in my life. But I could tell they were not for me. Russell was like the gay vampire Hugh Hefner, and this was the Playboy Mansion, which an emphasis on the "boy."
"Water, water, everywhere, nor any drop to drink," I said, and Eric laughed out loud. That was why I liked him, I thought rosily; he "got" me."

pg 182 - The removal of Said Stake - I know it's not an obvious scene, but I put it in here because it really shows the foundation of the trust and love between Eric and Sookie. He's always there to get her through these tough moments.

My euphoria evaporated as Eric instantly sat on the bed and pinned my shoulders. The Big Bad Thing was coming.
"Look at me," he demanded. "Look at me, Sookie."
I felt the bed indent, and I assumed Ray Don was kneeling beside it and leaning over my wound.
There was a jar in the torn flesh of my side that jolted me down to the marrow of my bones. I felt the blood leave my face and felt hysteria bubbling up my throat like my blood was leaving the wound.
"Don't, Sookie! Look at me!" Eric said urgently.
I looked down to see that Ray Don had grabbed the stake.
Next he would . . .
I screamed over and over, until I didn't have the energy. I met Eric's eyes as I felt Ray Don's mouth sucking at the wound. Eric was holding my hands, and I was digging my nails into him like we were doing something else. He won't mind, I thought, as I realized I'd drawn blood.
And sure enough, he didn't. "Let go," he advised me, and I loosened my grip on his hands. "No, not of me," he said, smiling. "You can hold on to me as long as you want. Let go of the pain, Sookie. Let go. You need to drift away."
It was the first time I'd relinquished my will to someone else.


Pg 184 - Eric the sleaze.

"Thank you Eric," I didn't care for how Shaky I sounded, but an obligation was an obligation.
"For what?" His hand gently stroked my stomach.
"For standing by me in the club. For coming here with me. For not leaving me alone with all these people."
"How grateful are you?" he whispered, his mouth hovering over mine. His eyes were very alert now, and his gaze was boring into mine.
"That kind of ruins it, when you say something like that," I said, trying to keep my voice gentle. 'You shouldn't want me to have sex with you just because I owe you."
"I don't really care why you have sex with me, as long as you do it," he said, equally gentle.

And the subsequent scene thereafter -- snigger snigger snort snort

pg 196 - The Second Drinking

"What I wanted to do was lean out the window and see if I could crawl up the wall to the roof. Wow, Eric's blood was awesome.

pg 227- 228 - You Offed Lorena? This scene makes me realize how much Eric underestimates her now, how much book nine really fucked up his view of her and made him realize how fragile she is. Fragile, but not incapable. I predict a fight about this in book eleven, just throwing it out there now.

"And I killed Lorena," I added.
Another pregnant silence.
Eric began to grin. "You offed Lorena?" He had a good grasp of the vernacular, for a very old vampire.
It was hard to interpret Bill's expression. "Sookie staked her," he said. "It was a fair kill."
"She killed Lorena in a fight?" Eric's grin grew even broader. He was as proud as if he'd heard his firstborn reciting Shakespeare.

pg 245 - Sookie is through! For now.

"I'm through with you all. I'm tired of seeing all this sick stuff. I'm tired of having to be brave, and having to do things that scare me, and having to hang out with the bizarre and the supernatural. I'm just a regular person, and I just want to date regular people. Or at least people who are breathing."

I chose this part as well because it is the first time Sookie starts to really struggle with the side of her that is human and this completely opposite part of her that tells her with a nagging persistence that this fucked up supernatural world is the one she really belongs in.

All a part of growing up, love.

Pg 290 - Get the fuck out!

The end where she rescinds their invitations and realizes she still has the computer! HAH! Get 'em girl. Again, I could type it out, but you should read it for full effect.





I RESCIND YOUR INVITATION!



GET THE FUCK OFF MY PORCH AND OUT OF MY LIFE!

All in all, Club Dead is one of my favorites in the series (If you couldn't tell by the length of my review) and I think everyone should read it.

Smut Factor is not as high, but there's a TON of UST to make up for it. Until next time!

**most of the GIFs were taken from truebloodgifs.tumblr.com I own nothing.

The Jolie Wilkin's Series, H.P. Mallory, Toil and Trouble

This is a review of H.P. Mallory's Toil and Trouble, the second book in the Jolie Wilkin's Series.



First of all, although I enjoyed this book very much, and the previous one as well, I want to grab H.P. Mallory by her shoulders and shake her until she comes to her senses. How on earth do you end a book with a climax?! Haven't you ever heard of denouement? Seriously. If it weren't for the fact that I read both books in tandem I would have been really pissed. In the spirit of not incorporating spoilers I won't explain exactly what I am talking about, but it definitely needs to be said that most good books, series or not, end with some sort of conclusion. I expect her argument would be that it's a cliff-hanger, but in essense it's not. It just doesn't make sense!

Ok now that I got that out of the way, I'll get to thick of it. The main course of this book centers around an epic battle of good (kinda) verses evil (mostly). Certain circumstances lead Jolie to go to the dangerous sexy vampire Sinjin for assistance with training and a little infusion of power, which of course involves her drinking his blood. Sinjin, like most of his vampiric counterparts of this genre, is constantly expousing sexual innuendo. This of course makes Jolie hot and bothered. Hot because of the obvious, bothered because she is only using Sinjin for the help he offers. Don't get me wrong, she finds herself strangely attracted to him, but at the same time she is in love with Rand and is therefore annoyed with his incessant approaches. As a reader all I could think was, FUCK RAND! Literally, because I really wish they would just do it and get it over with and figuratively because he really is a stick in the mud sometimes and Sinjin has none of that uptight crap going on. I also just love the way Sinjin calls Rand Randall which Rand hates. Hehe. I gotta admit I just love the classic my dick is bigger than your dick fight that pops up in Urban Fantasy Romance, i.e. Bill vs Eric in the Sookie Stackhouse novels and Lore vs Kynan in the Demonica series. For more on Sinjin vs Rand see their interview with Joann McLeary. But ofcourse, Jolie does not give in to Sinjin's advances. I honestly don't know how she does it, I sure wouldn't be able to, especially when he is decribed like such:

The highlight of the fire heightened the harsh planes of his face and made his ice blue eyes appear to glow. He looked every inch the quintessential villain in his black slacks and black button down shirt. No one would ever use the word "casual" to describe Sinjin.

But perhaps I am just personally distracted by the blue-eyed evil ones. The past stands to show such at least. And then there is his English accent. Sigh. If there is one thing Jenn and I agree on it is the power of an English accent. Well actually English, Australian, Irish, Viking (haha), etc.. And he is always using it to call her "Love," "Poppet," or "Pet." See my point? Anyway Sinjin does sneak in a kiss, which Jolie promptly dismisses and gets all angry and annoyed about, while I get angry and annoyed with her for being such a prude. It's a viscious circle. But she really isn't a prude, I'm just frustrated because by this time in the series I'm dying for a little action and like always I'm denied. Literary blue balls, as I like to refer to it, and this author is so good at causing it.

Oh! And I forgot to mention there was ANOTHER hot piece of man introduced in the first book, Odran, the Fairy King, who immediately decides he wants Jolie as well (obviously, right? Cause it always seems that the female heroine is like crack to all the supernatural malesin these types of stories. Once again see Sookie Stackhouse, Anita Blake, Betsy Taylor etc. etc. It's as if all the Urban Fantasy writers have low self-esteem and have never actually been wanted by many men themselves so they make their heroines into these irresistible icons of femininity. Which, if I may so say, is some what ridiculous. I mean two men fighting over one woman I can believe, but 3, 4, or more? Get real, ladies.) He even tried to sleep with her the first night he meets her by slipping her wine laced with an intense aphrodisiac. How badly I wish such a thing existed. I would have a stock pile. Anyway, Odran is kind of a slut, which is nice because it allows Mallory to slip in a little more smut. For example he always has two women in his bed. Me like.
So back to Rand and Jolie. It isn't until near the end of this book that the insatiable hunger for some smut is satisfied.

YES! I'm going to spoil it: THEY DO IT!!!

Sorry about that, but I just couldn't control myself. And I just loved the way it was worked into the actual plot. It was perfect. It was worth the wait and all of my complaining, and whining. I can't tell you anymore without completely ruining the book, but I have to point out that the earlier reasoning against them having sex was not circumvented in any way, in fact them having sex is the cause for them not being able to have sex earlier. Makes no sense? Yeah, that's kind of the point. Go read the book!!! It's really a very intriguing and unique plot. And the sex scenes (yes scenes, plural) were enough to make up for the lack-there-of previously. By the end of the book I was totally addicted to the way she wrote the smut that I reread those chapters... twice.

I also have to say that there was one part of the book that I absolutely loved and made me a true follower who is now dying for the next book in the series to be released and that was that at one point in the second book Jolie gives a friend the Black Daggar Brotherhood series for Christmas. Oh and then there is that whole thing about Jolie being the Queen of the Underworld... but that's the next book. Stay tuned for the review of the next book in the Jolie Wilkin's series when it's released this year! Or better yet, join me in reading it!!!

XXX,
Sarah

The Jolie Wilkins Series by H.P. Mallory Book One: Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble.

Being as this is my first review post I'm going to lay down a few things here and now about how I plan to go about it. If you don't like, too bad, start your own blog :P So here are the basics:

1. I am not going to summarize. If you want to know what the book is about go
here, or read it yourself

2. I read most books on Kindle, therefore page numbers are irrelevant. If I refer to s specific part of a book or series it will be by individual book or chapter at best. Get over it now. Like I said in basic #1, if you want to know then read it yourself.

3. I'm entitled to my opinion. You're entitled to yours. Mine is most likely the right one, but I'll hear you out. If you continue to disagree with me to the point of contention then maybe you should get your own blog.

4. If I'm wrong about something that is not opinion in nature, feel free to fight with me about it. You probably won't change my mind, but I enjoy the challenge. If you think I'm wrong about something and you're too big a pansy to attach your name and persona to said thought, then you probably don't feel strongly enough in your convictions to attempt arguing with me. You will lose said argument. So just don't bother, 'kay? Thanks.

5. I reserve the right to delete obnoxious, lewd, or just plain old offensive comments. If you're comment is deleted and you feel like it shouldn't have been, see basic #3, sentence 4.

Now onto the actual review part of this review. That was my original point in writing this post, right? Right.

Jolie Wilkin's Series
H.P. Mallory
1. Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble


The introductory book to this series was definitely not as addictive as other series I've jumped into, however; the main character, Jolie Wilkins (Obviously. Come on people, try to keep up!) is reminiscent of some of my other favorite heroines, i.e. Sookie Stackhouse, Betsy Taylor. Slightly humorous and naive, but strong and capable nonetheless. If it weren't for the strength of the main character I might have put this book down before I made it to the good parts. And by the good parts I mean the tall drink of water than is Rand. Dark hair, blue eyes. Just my type. No, seriously. I've dated a lot of tall, dark-haired, blue-eyed specimens of the XY persuasion. But none of them were warlocks. Damn my luck. And it just so happens he needs Jolie's help because she can raise the dead (Oh Anita Blake, we will get to you too, don't worry).

Anyway Rand introduces Jolie to the underworld of magical beings that are almost entirely outrageously gorgeous, SURPRISE! (Please ntoe sarcasm) One of such encounters being a sexy but dangerous vamp names Sinjin (hehe, that name makes me giggle-snort). So far we are up to 2 superhot guys. Not bad by usual Urban Fantasy Romance standards.

But here's where I get urked (yeah, I said urked, you got a problem with that? See basic #3 sentence 4). Now any well-versed reader knows that Jolie and the good-hearted, handsome, white Knight that is Rand are destined to fall in love, and be together, and all that blahblahblah, but of course there are always roadblocks to happily-ever-after, and this story is no different. But that's not really the problem I have with this story-line, but instead the fact that said roadblock also keeps the character from engaging in the much anticipated coitis. This author is a total tease too. She leads you to believe many many times that the big moment is just around the corner, and then POOF! You're left with the erotica version of blue balls. C'mon, whose a girl gotta beg to get a good hard and rough around here, Mallory?!

Even after circumstances force Jolie to move into Rand's picturesque English mansion, and there is a very steamy scene that makes you think, "Maybe, just maybe..." it ends in bitter disappointment for Jolie and the ravenous reader.

But on the brightside of this conundrum, it made me read the second book in the series, Toil and Trouble, and let me just tell you...

... in the next review. Hehe.

XXX,
Sarah

Disclaimer

Hello fellow smut enthusiasts! In the name of full disclosure I feel it only fair to inform the public about the content of the books we will be reviewing. Although it goes without saying that these books might have some adult content (sex scenes! sex scenes! sex scenes!), it might also interest you to know that many (all) of the reviewed titles will fall under a genre best described as Urban Fantasy Romance. These stories will often (always) involve supernatural characters including, but not limited to vampires, shape-shifters, fairies, demons, elves, nymphs, imps, necromancers, dragons, witches, and perhaps even Gods (bend over before us you insolent creatures!).


As reviewers we reserve the right to speak of and acknowledge these characters within the terms of possibility, all the while accepting (kinda...) their fictional (?) confines. We concede (with great dissonance) that, though lust inducing as they may be, some of the situations discussed in this blog are not true realities of the world we inhabit (for now). Despite what our words might lead you to believe we do not surmise that we may one day have an erogenous encounter with an enticing member of the undead, Fae, or demonic persuasion (but we're not ruling it out). So please, do not call your local insane asylum in attempts to save us from our own warped sexual psyches. We are of sound mind (most of the time). We promise (think).



So get ready to spread your imagination (and maybe your legs) as you join us on our journey through the salacious world of erotica, because after all, we girls just wanna read smut.


XXX,
Sarah